If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
