Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
