You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
