i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
