Nicole vs. Life
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your cock deserves a montage
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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