Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she peed on how many people?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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