my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
