saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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