I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
