I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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