just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
