i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
