it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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