I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
