my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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