If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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