Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
