I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
