just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
