you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
