Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
