Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
