he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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