brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
