The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My hand turned me down
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize