I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
