i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
