see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
