You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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