dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
