last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
