I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Still dying that you shit outside
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
