I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
