I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
