Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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