I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
