3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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