If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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