tell your sister to shave her snatch
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
