May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
