just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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