New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Mom said you looked used
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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