I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
