i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Text me some of your sweat
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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