Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
