Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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