the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
