at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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