My hand turned me down
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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