Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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