i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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