I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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