I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
