Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
