I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
