i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
