Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
