whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
