new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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