The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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