either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize