would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
