guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
